I love Diwali. Diwali is my favourite festival. My first memories of Diwali is from 1994. I grew up in a place littered with British era bungalows. The government allotted house to my maternal grandfather was huge for a four year old kid. That was the house where I was brought to after coming into this world. I still remember almost everything about that house — the arrangement of furniture in every room, the trees, the British era graveyard 20 steps from my favorite Litchi tree and much more.
I have few recollections of Diwali of 1994. The house was being painted, old things were being disposed of, the roof was being waterproofed, weeds and unwanted plants were being uprooted (I did this a lot). As a kid, I had my own mini Khurpi (Hand Shovel) and I used to take great interest in gardening. I learnt this from my Nana Ji.
My Nani Ma had this huge cache of old glass bottles which would be used as Diyas for the roof. These bottles had to fitted with wicks made out of old clothes and I used to contribute toward this effort. We had a huge number of earthen diyas to be placed in every corner of the house. These diyas used to be soaked in water for a day and then dried in the sun. The wicks of diyas were made from cotton pads by rolling them on the palms. I used to do this. Now, we get ready-made cotton wicks in the markets but these were old times. The next step was to place these wicks in the diyas and fill the diyas with mustard oil. All was exciting for me up to this stage. When it came to dipping the mouth of the wick in the mustard oil, I used to avoid that. I have never liked the way oil felt on my fingertips (I still don not like it). There used to be Chaumukha Diya which was used for Lakshmi Puja. (These memories are scattered from 1994 to 2001, with the exception of the years 1995-98. That is why I have not been careful with the tenses.)
From 1995 to 1998, there were no Diwali celebrations because of untimely deaths in our family. There was no Lakshimi Puja, no diyas, nothing. Maybe just one symbolic diya. Diwali day was just like any ordinary day in those years. I have some memories that in 1995 my Nana Ji got me a box of Phuljharis and I did some fireworks in spite of the household abstaining from the celebration. My concept of grief and mourning was yet to develop. The Diwali of 1997 came and went without us noticing. The houses in the neighbourood were lit up on that day and we were in gloom. The worst was yet to come. In 1998, my maternal grandfather passed away on 10 October. That Diwali was really dark.
Diwali returned to our home in all its glory in 1999. I have no specific memory of that year but we celebrated it and had fun. Since 1999, I had few special Diwali and a few terrible ones. The Diwali of 2006 was very special to me. I abstained from bursting crackers from 2003 to 2005. In 2006, I actively enjoyed fireworks before abandoning it for good. It was special for other reasons as well. 2009 and 2010 were decent. I had returned home from college to celebrate Diwali. The Diwali of 2011 was my first and last in BHU. It was wonderful. We spent time cleaning and decorating our hostel, Ramakrishna Hostel. We went out to watch a movie that night. It is another thing that the movie — Ra One — was terrible.
Diwali returned to our home in all its glory in 1999. I have no specific memory of that year but we celebrated it and had fun. Since 1999, I had few special Diwali and a few terrible ones. The Diwali of 2006 was very special to me. I abstained from bursting crackers from 2003 to 2005. In 2006, I actively enjoyed fireworks before abandoning it for good. It was special for other reasons as well. 2009 and 2010 were decent. I had returned home from college to celebrate Diwali. The Diwali of 2011 was my first and last in BHU. It was wonderful. We spent time cleaning and decorating our hostel, Ramakrishna Hostel. We went out to watch a movie that night. It is another thing that the movie — Ra One — was terrible.
Photos of Ramakrishna Hostel, Banaras Hindu University (Diwali 2011)
The Diwali of 2012 was my first at IISER Mohali and it was joyful. I have no memory of what happened the following year. In 2014, Diwali was on 23 October. It was a mix of despair and hope. My prospective PhD supervisor had confirmed his betrayal over a call on the day of Diwali or a day before.
I spent the Diwali evening of 2016 watching "Before The Flood". In 2017, I spent my Diwali evening smoking Marlboro Reds at almost deserted Connaught Place. 2018. 2019 & 2020 were quite good and I celebrated them in peace.
This year Diwali fell on 4 November. 4 November is a heartbreaking day for me. In 2006, I had represented my school in the West Zone Chess Tournament in Delhi. I had won my first three games and I was just one game away from winning the West Zone tournament. I lost the last game on 4 November 2006. It was shattering. I went home cried for an hour and slept for four hours. I was really emotional about chess back then.
My Nani Ma passed away on March 2 this year. The maternal side didn't celebrate the festival. However, we celebrated it. She lived a full life. There is no point mourning over the loss of someone who lived a full life. Moreover, my earliest memories of this beautiful festival are associated with her. It would have been a disservice to her if I had not celebrated the festival.
Diwali gives me hope. I look forward to this festival. When I analyzed why I get excited before Diwali, I could think of only one reason — maybe I am making up for those I missed during my childhood.
